Sunday, November 28, 2010
I will sing tonight!
It's raining a lot in Los Cristianos at the moment, but I talked with the owner of the restaurant and I will sing like normal tonight.
The new roof that is over the terrace at Lewinskis is very good and I can sing even when it's raining.
It also started raining last Thursday when we had a full terrace (it was over 80 people in at the moment and 110 visited us during the night!).
Everybody had to move in under the roof or inside the restaurant and everybody got space there even when it was very packed.
Because of this it seams like the rain is not gonna stop me anymore which is fine.
It's not easy to be a single and to suddenly after a marriage of 17 years start dating new men.
I started reading on the internet about dating and how you quickly can discover if a man is a nice guy or a bad guy etc., and found out there is a common problem among many of the single men today. Really many have what they call 'Commitment Phobia'.
They are often the ones who have been singles for a long time or have never been married (but some have even been married for a short time) and the problem is that they never like to give up their freedom to any woman. They just play around with us girls, many times having a lot of romances going on in the same time.
This is such a common problem on the dating market today that I decided to mention it on my blog.
Here some information from one of the sites that I have been visiting:
Commitment phobic men are tortured souls full of FEAR. They are in a constant state of emotional conflict because of their negative irrational beliefs about love, commitment and relationships. In relationships they create great confusion, havoc, pain, and anguish as their behaviours are often insensitive, unpredictable and bizarre.
These types of men can make women who are saints turn into mad women, as they play games with their minds and their hearts.Commitment phobic men may display SOME or MANY of the following behaviours:
1. They usually have a history of short relationships and they may never have been married - there is often an excuse that they haven’t met the right woman, or they justify their history by saying they still have plenty of time to settle down as they can have children at any age. A favorite line is "someday".
2. If they have been married it is likely to have been for a short time, or, if they have been in a long term relationship or marriage, they will usually have a history of infidelity.
3. They want a relationship but they also want freedom and space so they are often attracted to long distance relationships and busy independent women.
4. They are fast to move in on a woman they are attracted to, and they pursue ardently until they win the woman over.
5. They are very charming. They say and do all the right things and they can be very romantic. They are very good salesmen to get their own needs met, but in reality they have very little concern for the woman’s feelings, as they are always operating from hidden agendas.
6. These men are usually very affectionate and loving. This is because in their mind the relationship is not going to be long term, so they feel free to give affection and love, knowing it won’t be forever. It isn’t long though before they suddenly start rejecting the woman, by not ringing or not wanting to see her for days, or not including her in weekend arrangements etc. This is because they subtly want to give the woman the message that they don’t want a long term committed relationship.
7. Severe commitment phobics play the seduction/rejection game. They can’t make the decision to give totally to the relationship, but they can’t commit to walk away either. They feel trapped by both choices. They feel love for the woman when they don’t see her, but they want to run away when they become involved again.
8. Commitment phobics love the chase but they don’t want the kill. This may happen after 1 night, 1 week, 1 month, 3 months or 1 year. They may start sabotaging just as they are about to get married, or just before or after there's a decision made to move in together.
9. They spin stories to justify their contradictory behaviour, and when the woman threatens to leave the relationship they may make promises to change, but they never do.
10. They tend to treat the woman like a mistress rather than a real girlfriend.
11. They tend to limit the amount of time they spend with the women and treat her as a low priority.
13. Commitment phobics behaviors announce subtly…“You will be special for a short time, but it won’t be forever”.
14. They often choose women who are not the type of partner they are looking for, for example they may be much older, much younger, married, or they may have different interests. They use these differences as excuses to end relationships.
15. They can have a history of frequent career change and often work in environments where they have a certain amount of space and freedom.
16. They treat requests for respect as demands and become, angry, obnoxious and rebellious.
17. Severe commitment phobics avoid events or outings that may include the woman's family or friends.
18. They know an ongoing sexual relationship often leads to commitment so they choose to run when things start to head in that direction.
19. They like to feel in control and create time frames that suit them, often treating the woman like a puppet on a string.
20. They don’t like structure, particularly in their personal life.
21. They tend to compartmentalize their life and keep their work environment, friends or family off limits. They can create wonderful excuses why the woman shouldn’t meet these people.
22. When they get the feeling they need to run, their words and actions are full of mixed messages. They play mind games.
23. A commitment phobic won’t allow the relationship to grow and they have no intentions of ever doing so.
24. They can be moody or aloof and blame the woman for why they are acting so bizarrely.
25. They may withdraw sexually and blame it on the woman for being demanding, or on work fatigue, or illness, or anything else that they can think of.
26. They can have a history of unavailability and inaccessibility .They can be hard to contact, and they are often unpredictable when it comes to returning phone calls. They can even avoid answering calls completely.
27. They lie, or they are evasive and secretive about where they are and what they are doing to create space.
28. Their living arrangements may be rather off-beat. They may have an apartment but they may rarely stay there, preferring to stay at friends places, with parents or ex-girlfriend’s.
29. They hate planning ahead because that means commitments.
30. Severe commitment phobics may have very little furniture, not own property or a car, as these represent commitment as well. To some buying a car can be as big a decision as deciding to get married - it can be all too much for them as they don’t want to feel stuck with anything.
31. They often don’t invite women to their home because of their peculiar living arrangements, but they have no desire to change their situation. Even if their home is comfortable it exudes the feeling that they want to be alone. It is not welcoming to the outside world.
32. They are often unreliable, late and sometimes they don’t turn up at all. They are like this with family and friends as well, although this is not the case in their working environment.
33. They are often unfaithful in relationships.
34. They can be overly committed to their work or to their children to avoid spending a lot of time with a woman.
35. Severe commitment phobics rarely lower their defenses because they don’t want to get too close to a woman, or vice versa. If they do, they usually only give little pieces of their soul in well- planned installments, except if they are having an affair. Affairs are perfect for commitment phobics as they feel completely safe to disclose and to chase, as commitment is not an option while they are in another relationship.
36. If a man has been married he may void putting his divorce papers through as he can use this as an excuse to keep a woman at bay. This helps him to feel safe from the possibility of ever getting married again.
37. Behavioral inconsistencies are very noticeable with these men when they find themselves getting too close. They become argumentative and abusive, or they create distance. A lot of uncaring sabotage behaviors surface e.g. working long hours, taking on extra projects, creating space, not ringing, being late, finding fault with the woman etc
38. They often choose to travel a lot for work, to play a lot of sport, or be involved in many projects to create distance.
39. These men know on some level that they are deceptive and cruel to women.
40. The word “forever” terrifies these men. Love doesn’t scare them; rather it is what love represents to them that scares them. This is due to their negative belief system about love and relationships.
41. They usually end up behaving worse and worse, and they sabotage more and more because they want the woman to end the relationship as they feel too anxious and guilty to do so.
42. Severe commitment phobics can also suffer from claustrophobia and/or a personality disorder.
How you handle a commitment phobic
1. Don’t rush into bed with these types of men (or any men for that matter), especially the ones who are very charming and pursue ardently, as they are the ones to be most wary of.
2. Take your time. Listen carefully to a man’s history and leave him as soon as you recognize the behaviors before you get involved and hurt.
3. If he tends to exclude you from other areas of his life the writing is on the wall - beware
4. If you get involved before seeing the behaviors, set the pace with this man. Don’t allow him to set the pace.
5. Act like you don’t need him - stay independent and non-wife like.
6. Realize your love and attention won’t change him but not needing him and giving him space might (that’s if he isn’t a severe case!)
7. Actions speak louder than words. Believe what he does, not what he says.
8. Don’t expect a close committed relationship – be prepared to take the relationship for what it is. These types of men are best treated as occasional lovers rather than potential partners. Don’t rely on having a relationship with them. If you do you will never feel emotionally safe or satisfied. You will be left confused, bewildered, angry and hurt.
9. Don’t cut yourself off from dating other men – keep your options open as it is highly likely he is not saving himself for you, nor can he ever give you what you want, need and deserve.
10. Don’t find excuses for his behavior.
11. Evaluate whether he wants to change and whether he is capable of changing - some men will fall into this category but most won’t. Also evaluate how patient you are.
12. Don’t think it was your fault when a commitment phobic relationship ends but learn form it. Make sure you don’t get involved with one of these types of men again. Watch carefully for the behaviors.
13. Take care of yourself first as there is a high chance this man won’t be there for you when you really need him, despite his sweet words when he is in the mood.
14. If you are continually attracting commitment phobics, you will need some coaching to get different results.
15. If you are in pain from a commitment phobic relationship you may need some coaching to heal and move forward.
There is also help to get for people who have got Commitment Phobia but the problem is that they seldom like to receive help when they think they will be so trapped if they change their mind and seriously get into a relationship.
Because of this it's better for you to run if you discover the man you are dating is having this problem.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
The condensed milk, which is very sweet, goes down to the bottom.
This coffee has got skimmed milk on the top and because of that it's called leche-leche.
You mix it up with a spoon before you drink it.
They don't drink the coffee that we drink in Scandinavia when they think it's too wishy-washy.
He,he! One of my friends told me that he ones was invited for coffee to a German home and when nobody saw it he poured it out into the sink. He couldn't drink it!
The coffee the Canarians drink is very strong and they drink it almost like
a coffee shot mixed with condensed milk. (about 1:1)
The amount of coffee is only 1/2-1 deciliter.
It's very good, almost like a desert, and I like it.
A Cafetera could be a nice souvenir to buy when you visit our island.
But remember to buy some 'Leche Condensada' as well when it could be difficult to find in the shops in Scandinavia. If the date of the leche is good you can save it in the
refrigerator for about one year even when it's opened.
There are also leche condensada tins or cans to buy, and you can save them for a long time.
If you like to buy a typical coffee as well, buy as an example; Marcilla Mezcla, Gran Aroma.
If you like to try this coffee ask for a 'Cortada leche' in the restaurants.
My new Cafetera.
Price; 18,40 Euros.
To make the coffee, simply fill the bottom portion with cold water. Fill the metal filter area in the middle with finely ground coffee and screw the pieces together. Place the coffee pot on the stove and heat until the water boils up into the top chamber and it fills up. When you hear air spurting and the top of the pot is full of coffee, it’s ready and you can turn the burner off.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
A Canarian friend of me, Brito, picked me up with his car about 7 in the night.
First we went to a bar in Los Crisitianos to have a small beer with his friend Augustin.
Then later, about 8 o'clock we went up, for a garlic chicken dinner, to a small mountain town called Adeje.
Oh, it was so lovely! I love the Adeje garlic chicken.
I had so much that my stomach started aching.
I just couldn't stop eating more and more when it was so good.
Oh, you maybe wonder now how my 'loosing weight project' is going?
I have lost 7.8 kg totally and I look like 'normal' again.
But the project continues even when it goes slowly at the moment. I would like to loose 5 more kilos.
Last night I anyhow broke all the rules when it's so seldom I get to Adeje and have these chicken wings.
I just decided to enjoy the meal in full amount and had a little bit too much.
After the dinner we went down to Scandibar to listen to Clas and have a drink, but he has now changed his work schedule and finish playing already at 10 in the nights, so we didn't get to listen to him.
We stayed for a while and then we went over to the Dreamers bar to listen to Mark and Darren.
They are very good musicians.
I got home about 00.30 and went to bed and today I feel full of energy when I've got a good night sleep.
It's gonna be line dance tonight and I really look forward to go to the work.
The view from the terrace where we had the meal.
(I still have to upload a photo 10-15 times before it uploads. Grrr!!!)
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Nothing special has happened and my life is going on like normal.
I have been out til late almost every night, the last week, and I have been a little bit tired because of that. But I always keep a 'poker face' in the front of my audience when I'm tired so I don't think anybody have noticed.
Now I have been sleeping about 10 hours and feel normal again.
I stayed at Lewinskis after work last night, and danced with some Canarian friends for a while, but got home already about 1.30.
The night before we were out at Bar Cosas Ricas in Valdecenter til 3.30 in the morning and I went to sleep around 4.30.
This is the life when you live and work on Tenerife. It's normal!!!
Many work with the tourism and because of that day easily turn to night and night to day.
It's a good friendship among us workers at Lewinski and some nights when we have finished the work and the guests have left we stay and chat at the restaurant or go somewhere else where it's still open.
I really enjoy my life at the moment and I look forward to go to work tonight.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Many line dancers are on the island and the tourism has come up and we are quite busy in the nights.
Friday nights are normally more quiet but last night more people showed up and the audience was just lovely.
They sang and clapped hands and danced and it was really fun to sing.
When I finished work I joined the Canarians who were at Lewinskis and we danced to the sound of 'Grupo Accorde' till 2.30 in the night.
I got home about 3am and went to bed around 4am.
Grupo Accorde is one of the best Canarian bands here on Tenerife. They are very good singers.
Maybe you would like to stay and listen to the bands that are playing at Lewinskis after me on Fridays and Saturdays + join the dancers?
The dance rules are very free and everybody dance with everybody even if you never met before. That's the dance culture here in Canarias.
The dance is mostly merengue but every now and then you also get to dance a waltz, a smoochie or a salsa. Watch and learn how to dance merengue from the video clip below.
It's very easy!
The beginners video clip above is good as a start, but later when you become familiar with
They have merengue classes in Casa Cultura here in Los Cristianos, for the
residentials, but it's not possible for me to go there when I work 6 nights a week.
I have only been dancing merengue for about a month and
I'm at the moment dancing something similar to the beginners video.
If you would like to get more instructions about how to dance merengue, please, search on Youtube. There are video clips where they slowly show how you should step with your legs to get the hips to sway in the right way, how to keep your hands, how the man lead you into different twirls by raising his hand in different positions etc.
Friday, November 12, 2010
something similar to this one?
I now store my carafe in the freezer.
My Canarian X-boyfriend taught me that's the way to do it.
I have got a new insight in how to use it and I'm gonna tell you all about it in this post.
The first rule is: Never put a red wine bottle into the refrigerator to cool down the wine.
I mean except into a wine refrigerator!
Some people here have got special refrigerators only for the wine and if you are lucky to have one, of course, the easiest way is to store the bottles in it.
If you haven't got one - then you can read the instructions below.
You keep the carafe in the freezer til it's time to have some red wine.
(Not as long that it become covered with ice and snow)
Then you take it out, open the wine bottle, and pour the wine into the carafe.
Wait for a while (about 3-5 minutes) and the wine will get the perfect temperature to be served.
You can have carafes in different sizes depending on how much wine you like to drink at the moment. You only pour the amount of wine that you are going to enjoy into the carafe.
There are carafes for one glass, two glasses, four glasses etc.
If you haven't got a carafe you can take the empty wine glass that you are going to use and put it into the freezer for about 3 minutes.
Then take it out and fill it up to about 30-40% and wait for a while.
Your glass will get steamy and you wait till the steam has worked itself up to the top of the glass.
It takes only a couple of minutes! Now the wine has got the right temperature! Enjoy!
You can buy a Canarian carafe as a souvenir when you visit our island.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Everything I bought was, without me thinking about it, black, white or silver.
Wednesday, November 03, 2010
She colored my hair darker and made a curly hairdo for the night.
I got the idea to try to change to Internet Explorer instead of Mozilla Firefox and then I suddenly could upload two photos. But only two!
Oh, I hope this upload problem will be solved soon...
It's frustrating to not be able to upload any photos and video clips.