I have been thinking a lot.
If I just can find something to do on Tenerife I will continue living here.
I have lived here for four years now and it feels like my home. I like this paradise island.
We have signed the divorce papers today. We got them from Finland over the internet.
It's the court of appeal in Helsinki that takes care of our case when we live abroad.
It really feels like the devil is laughing.
But the bureaucracy is slow and we first get a reconciliation period of six months, which maybe is a good thing.
Somebody called us and thought that Clas has been abusing me or been into bed with somebody else. That's not what has happened!
We have been talking a lot and we have decided to stay as friends however and I hope all we know will be friends to both of us in the future. Please, don't take part for anyone! We are friends!
We both know that we have had a tough time when we have been working too much and because of that we have somehow flipped out and lost our normal foundations.
When you like your work you don't notice when it's too much. It just goes on and on, and in the end you grow weary and you can't think clearly anymore. Then it's easy to start doing things you normally never would do to just try to put a golden edge on the existence.
It's sometimes quite a stressful job to be an artist. Specially when it goes into full swing.
And I know we have been into a kind of luxury life, like it felt, where you could have a little of everything that was offered and we haven't been able to resist and evaluate the offers.
We have just enjoyed the sweetness, feeling we can have whatever.
Many musicians here on the island feel the same and some use drugs and stuff to try to make it.
We are both afraid of drugs ( nobody of us have ever tried) and we try to make it by own power instead.
It's quite tough to play six nights a week like you do here in Spain.
(A working-week is six days here).
Normal artists maybe have 2-3 venues per week when they give a show of about 1-1,5 hour, but we play 3 hours every night.
But I don't like to complain about it. I like it and so do Clas. This "work" has been like what we were meant for.
Thanx to all of you who have been sending e-mails and who are praying for us.
Without your input it would have been much worse. It's nice to know there are friends and somebody who care.
We both agree that this is the worse that ever have happened in our marriage.
I wish Clas and I could continue together like you all wish.
But I still need healing in my heart and i can't make any decisions when I´m not sure if it will work.